


feelings are fatal

by katsuo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Crushes, Everyone Is Gay, Fanservice, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Nakamoto Yuta, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 18:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20532590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katsuo/pseuds/katsuo
Summary: “Sicheng-ah!”“yes hyung?”“i love you.”Alternatively,Sicheng doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. Yuta is no help either. Love is hard, he discovers along the way.





	feelings are fatal

**Author's Note:**

> i miss yuwin so writing this while we're on a yuwin drought. anyways, didn't proof read and i have college tomorrow so whoop whoop firetruck this shit and leave something for me to read in the comments thank u !!<3

Sicheng didn’t know, he didn’t know what he was feeling neither could he comprehend these feelings into words. He was unsure as to why he was feeling this way. Questions arose in his mind constantly.

  
Who cursed him with these emotions when all he wanted to was to stick to focusing on his new idol life?

  
Not that Sicheng hated them, they were just a nuisance. Sicheng spent hours day dreaming about him and he was unable to stop himself.

  
Let’s start from the begining.

  
It was all Nakamoto Yuta’s fault.

  
The _perfect_ boy from Japan. Sicheng could’ve sweared he had never seen someone be this utterly perfect until he met Yuta. Yuta was everything you could ever dream of; he took care of the members, he had a unique perspective on life which Sicheng slightly envied, his smile bought wonders to this world, his voice dripped honey and his face was sculpted from the gods themselves.

  
Sicheng met him in one of the practice rooms whilst their trainee days and ever since, he had been severely attracted to the other.

  
“Jaehyun, i will cry.” Sicheng stood in Jaehyun’s room in their dorm, whining about the usual; **Nakamoto Yuta**. “How to stop this shit, it’s getting to my head.” Jaehyun chuckled in response, eyes still glued to his phone while he played some dumb game Sicheng couldn’t care enough about. “That’s the thing, you can’t escape from love.”

  
“Woah, who the fuck called it love?”

  
“Bro, how long have you liked him?” Jaehyun looked back at Sicheng, eyebrow raised. That shut him up. Seeing Sicheng’s face, he set aside his phone, motioning Sicheng to come with him outside. Sicheng followed as Jaehyun lead to the common room in the dorm.

  
“Okay now, we need to think of a way for you to move on or confess.” He said and all hell broke loose.

  
“What the fuck? I’m not confessing, he’s like my brother and a fellow member. What if i ruin what little friendship we have in my mind and what if things get awkward? What if he plain up rejects me and i’m left to collect the broken pieces of my heart? Are you out of your mind, Jaehyun? This could possibly erase every bit of self respect i have in me?”

  
At this, Jaehyun let out a loud, _“oh my god, chill out._”

  
Well, Jaehyun wasn’t the only loud one but perhaps Sicheng’s rambling woke up a few members who made their way to the common room from their rooms. One of them just happened to be Yuta. “I thought I was hearing stuff but was that really Sichengie's voice?” He said, headphones hanging on his neck.

  
_Who knew a plain shirt would look **this** good on someone?_

  
Nevertheless, Sicheng maintained a neutral face while Jaehyun nodded. “He’s so fucking loud i can’t believe none of you know.” At the time, something crossed on Yuta’s face; an expression Sicheng had never seen Yuta carry before. “Wow.” He breathed out, still in disbelief.

  
“Looks like he really trusts you, Jaehyun-ah.”  
**What**?

  
Sicheng looked in the mirror of the bathroom, sliding a hand across the layer of fog that had formed on the surface. _Yuta didn’t do anything today_. Sicheng was troubled, it was clear that something was up with the older male. He had kept contact with Sicheng to the bare minimum today and Sicheng didn’t approve of it.

  
“Did i do something wrong?” Sicheng said to himself, thinking hard. “Ugh, my braincells are fucking fried, I need coffee.” He sighed, putting on a shirt and shorts, leaving the bathroom.

  
On the way to the kitchen, he halted when he heard Yuta’s voice along with Taeyong’s. Yuta looked fine, laughing at one of Taeyong’s jokes as his hands reached to pat his arms. Sicheng noticed how his touch lingered but perhaps he was overthinking things. _What the fuck is happening?_

  
However, he continued, silently reaching the kitchen counter to get the coffee. He noticed the shift in Yuta’s behaviour as Sicheng entered. Taeyong did too but he decided to keep quiet about it. Sicheng exited the kitchen as soon as he could, running towards his room and jumping on his bed. 

_Maybe a movie would help._

Turns out, the movie didn’t. Sicheng had put on a romantic comedy but somehow, everything kept bringing him back to Yuta. He sighed, putting the laptop aside and turning to stare at the ceiling.  
Maybe he fucked up and confessed when he was drunk but no matter what, he couldn’t bring himself to recall the last time they all drank together. Maybe he wasn’t subtle about it and Yuta began to pick up the hints but that couldn’t be true. Sicheng had made sure Yuta would never find out; to rejecting his fanservice and to making sure that he thought of Yuta nothing more than a hyung.

  
Maybe Sicheng was just unattractive.

  
Sicheng had known about the little **crush** Yuta had on Hansol, a former trainee and Yuta’s best friend. Hansol was everything Sicheng wasn’t. Even if he tried his best, he could never compare to Hansol. Yuta’s taste wouldn’t drop from Hansol to Sicheng, unless he was out of his mind.

  
He huffed, taking out his phone to dial Kun’s number. 

“Hi Sicheng!” Kun’s voice was soft and welcoming against Sicheng’s ears. On a day like that, it was all Sicheng could need.

  
“Am i ugly?”

  
Sicheng heard Kun shift and then, burst out laughing. “What? Sicheng, I can’t believe you just asked me that.” He grew puzzled, maybe he really was unattractive and Kun didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “It’s a real question, Am I ugly? Is that why he has been avoiding me?”

  
Kun stopped laughing, “Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror? You’re one of the most beautiful people I know.”

  
Sicheng sighed. “I don’t know, Kun.”

  
“Don’t let your self esteem go down because of this one crush. Besides, instead of asking me these questions, open your eyes and see for yourself.” Sicheng wanted to ask Kun what he meant but Kun immediately told him he had some grocerries to buy and had to go. Saying a simple ‘bye’ to Kun, he went outside.

  
_Maybe some fresh air would help._

Again, it didn’t help. Sicheng bumped into Yuta in the middle of the hallway, the older apologized moving on without another glance. Sicheng pouted at the other’s attitude towards him.

  
“Yuta hyung?”

  
Yuta looked back, stopping in his tracks. “Yes, Sicheng?”

  
**Ouch**.  
No Sichengie, no winwinie, no winko, no sicheng-ah, just Sicheng.

  
“It’s okay, nevermind.” Yuta furrowed his eyebrows, wanting to say something but left it unsaid. Sicheng had never hated his own name more than anything, never hated his own self more than right now.

  
Whilst in his thoughts, he heard Yuta call him, in a faint voice. “Sicheng?”

  
“Yes, hyung?” He replied, giving him a small smile.

“You’re beautiful. Don’t ever think you’re ugly.”

  
“Wh-“  
And he was left alone with his thoughts.

  
Midnight, Sicheng hated the dark. He hated how his thoughts were unstoppable once he was in his room, only the moon shining it’s light in the room. He hated how he saw Yuta in the darkness in the corners of his room, screaming at him about how he would never want to be with him. He hated how he was so vulnerable he felt hot tears forming in his eyes.

  
So he set out, unable to stop the overwhelming of emotions in his heart. His body was weak but he moved forward, making his way to the practice rooms.

  
And he danced; danced until his feet hurt from just a simple twitch, let his body take the lead. Soon enough, it hurt. His entire world hurt, Yuta was destructive. Yuta was an atomic bomb which was an inevitable thing to Sicheng and Sicheng could feel himself declining.

  
Every tumble, every twirl reminded him of Yuta and Sicheng couldn’t get him out of his head. He flew in the practice room, maintaining balance on his toes.  
From the corner of his eyes, he saw something shift towards the door but his body had had enough and he collapsed.

Morning came and Sicheng felt the sheets of a new bed underneath him, he jolted up while his joints pained. “Fuck.”

  
“Fuck, indeed.”

  
**Yuta**. “Wait, what happened?”

  
Yuta chuckled, eyes filled with a mix of worry and joy. “Found you unconscious in the practice room.”

Sicheng filtered the moments of last night, he was dancing to forget Yuta which he failed miserably at. Right now, he hated how vulnerable and exposed he felt to Yuta. “Sorry.” He mumbled but saw Yuta grow annoyed.

  
“Why are you sorry? There’s no need to be sorry.”

  
‘oh’ was all Sicheng could say before Yuta began again. “You know it’s fucking infuriating to see you break yourself over this. Do you think you’re not good enough? Tell me Sicheng. Why do you think you’re ugly or don’t deserve anything nice?”

  
Sicheng wanted to tell Yuta that wasn’t it; that he was dancing because the strong feelings he contained for Yuta were a bit too much to handle sometimes but he remained quiet.

  
After no response from Sicheng, Yuta breathed out. “You don’t have to bring yourself down all the time, especially when _you’re..you_.”

  
“_you would always come to me right?_” Sicheng heard Yuta’s voice in his head as he laid awake in his bed. “_You don’t have to go through his alone. You have me, and uh, the members.”_ Sicheng wished he was able to describe the shit in his heart. Despite his vast vocabulary in his own language, he still couldn’t find the word for it. “_Sicheng, I love you. Please don’t put yourself through this.”_

Taking Yuta’s advice, Sicheng went to the only person who would know even a bit about his situation in the first place, his favourite Doyoung hyung. “What’s up?” He was greeted by a casually dressed Doyoung in the common room. “I need advice.”

  
“Is this about Yuta?”  
Sicheng blinked. “None of you fuckers are subtle about it.” He heard Doyoung grumble. “What do you mean?”

  
“I meant, you’re both dumb. You try your best to ignore his advances but everyone can see the blush on your face except him. He tries his best to not get jealous but everyone can see how he glares whenever you let Taeil hyung touch your arm or ruffle your hair. You both try your best to not make things awkward but none of you know how to act. I’m so tired of the fucking tension, I don’t get paid enough for this.”

  
As Doyoung finished his rambling, Sicheng felt his heart clench. “D-Does Yuta like me?” At this, Doyoung groaned. “Did you not listen to my entire speech?”

  
“Oh.”

  
“Yeah, **OH**. Now do something about it. Knowing Yuta he’s a coward.”

  
What should Sicheng do? Sicheng stood on his bed, hands up his hair, weird right? At this rate, he might just pull his hair out. It took him days to even comprehend the fact that Yuta liked him and even more days for him to think about confessing.

  
“Oh, Sicheng.”

  
He heard Yuta enter the room as he immediately jumped to sit down on his bed. “What were you thinking about like that?” Yuta lightly laughed while speaking. “Uh, nothing.”

  
“Okay.”

  
“Okay.”

  
Awkward.  
Perhaps confessing was a bad idea after all. They couldn’t even look at each other in the eyes.

  
A small silence followed but Sicheng wasn’t going to let it slide. “You look pretty.”

  
He saw Yuta’s eyes grow wide, as he smiled. Pretty. “Thanks.” Yuta’s hands the back of his neck to rub it.

  
“You’re pretty. I like you.”

  
**Did Sicheng just say that? Yes.**  
Yuta seemed surprised but relief washed over his face as he smiled the brightest smiled at Sicheng. “I like you too.”

  
“Okay.”  
Awkward, again.

  
Sicheng’s mind raced and so did his heart. _C’mon make the silence end,_ is all his mind screamed at him. Sicheng looked around the room, eyes landing on everything just to find a way to start a conversation on, until his eyes landed on Yuta’s lips.

  
“Kiss me.”


End file.
